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Did you recently make resolutions for the New Year? - I'm going to lose that extra weight - I'll really save some money this year - I'll give people more grace - I will exercise on a regular schedule - I will start some good habits We all start out with the best of intentions but as March 23rd rolls around we reflect on all the ways we've already let our goals slide. It's easy to feel like we are letting ourselves and those we love down. For most people, setting goals for the New Year is a regular part of life. Chronic pain sufferers, however, can find resolutions can be exasperating and nerve-racking. Our bodies and health, therefore our lives, are beyond our control the majority of the time. The idea of walking just a few blocks a day may seem reasonable at first, but the smallest change in our illness may quickly prevent us from even walking to the mailbox. Suddenly even the simplest of goals are out of the question. The best explanations for not meeting our resolutions are quite reasonable. --> I'm going to exercise more . . . And then the town closes down the only indoor pool for winter construction --> I'm going to lose some weight . . . But a simple trip over a curb turns into a broken bone and then the doctor puts you on steroids. Soon you just want to maintain your weight and not gain even more. --> I'm going to start making wiser choices about money . . . Money? What money? I'm barely surviving on what I have! So what is the answer? First of all, congratulate yourself if you ignored that calendar that flashed "January" beckoning you to set resolutions. January is be a time to recover from the holidays, the travel, or the family that may have visited. There is no universal rule that says all goals must begin in January. You're likely exhausted. December is often a time to finish up as many medical visits as possible before the new year's health insurance deductibles set in. The weather conditions can leave you home-bound for weeks. And if you've survived it all without getting the flu, a cold, or infection, you're one of few. Could there be a worse time to make major modifications in our life? Secondly, make a few simple changes and don't label "resolutions." When you make your visit to Starbucks ask for the "sugar-free vanilla, breve, misto." (That's coffee with steamed half-and-half, with a touch of vanilla. It has fewer carbs, no sugar.) Rather than splurging on the "muffin" covered in chocolate chips have the sugar-free banana walnut cake (Trust me on this. . .heavenly!) Talk to a dietician about what habits you could start that would make a difference in the long run. Thirdly, make a list of things that are important to you. Rather than saying, "I'm going to make wiser choices about money." Write down what it is that you desire. Have you wanted to go see a local Broadway show for years, but have never been able to afford the $50 ticket? Is your car running on bolts and old tires? How much would you need to fix it or replace it? Surely you value the freedom having your own transportation gives you. By taking some time to write down what is important to you, and stick them on the bathroom mirror as a reminder, it will give you some motivation when you are making those small little choices each day. Fourthly, find a friend who has an illness who will unite in supporting you with your goals and you hers. Stress management helps illness and a healthy friend who says, "Well, you're never going to lose any weight until you join me at the gym. They have a new boot camp special that would be perfect for you!" will quickly leave you depressed and disheartened. Chronic pain and depression often go hand in hand. Our health is so out of our control that it's important to have someone who can help you see what goals are reasonable and which ones are a bit irrational under the circumstances. Fifth, don't be so hard on yourself. When you make a less than perfect choice, give yourself the gift of grace, not guilt. You will have hundreds of do-overs in the next month to make better choices. Strive for making the right choice at least half the time and then take small steps forward, encouraged by your success. And remember, not doing certain things that are detrimental to your goals count as successes too. Skipping the drive-thru restaurant for that large fry you were craving was an admirable choice! Lastly, have a fun goal! We easily forget that resolutions don't all have to be things to do to "fix" us! Decide that once per month you will go see a movie--even all by yourself. Or that you will put lunch with a friend on the calendar for the second Tuesday every month. Remember to reward yourself. When you clean out those dresser drawers, go buy some new pajamas and big fluffy slippers. If you have supportive friends and down-to-earth expectations, by the end of the year you will find that you are one of the few people who actually met some of those "resolutions." And everyone has some of their goals that are left for next year's calendar! So celebrate the fact that you have found some joy along the journey of reaching towards some new habits, despite living with illness.
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Get a free list of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from "Beyond Casseroles" by Lisa Copen when you subscribe to HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa is the founder of Invisible Illness Week
